Holding Hands We'll Fall
by Phoenix Dayze
Summary: Throughout the ups and downs of their relationship, Cloud has never been allowed to touch Sephiroth, not even in bed, and the strain is starting to tear Cloud apart. What is Sephiroh so afraid of? Darkness, Angst, Mental Anguish.
1. Catch My Breath

Holding Hands We'll Fall

By: Phoenix Dayze  
Cloud/Sephiroth  
R

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII. This is purely for fun.

Part One: Breath

He panted. Not the rough, hard pants of exertion, but the tremulous, seductive breaths of passion. It was laden with need, and Cloud's fingers tightened in the bed sheets as his back arced, his head going back to dig into the mattress, his hips inevitably thrusting up… His breath came harder. His blue eyes were squeezed shut in blond-fringed slits. He needed this. Hell, he craved this. That mouth… Those hands… The release that they would give him… It was everything that had been torturing Cloud for all these long years. Years in which need had become second nature, and denial had become the first.

Sephiroth had never acknowledged him then. The General had never deemed himself to look at anyone, much less a skinny runt of a boy who hadn't yet passed his entrance exams. He had been untouchable and unaffected. And Cloud had lusted in agonized silence. For a while. Cloud still didn't know why, but one day, the General had pulled him aside, had taken him behind the barracks, and slid his hand inside Cloud's pants. With a fierce gleam in his eyes, Sephiroth had slowly, deliberately brought Cloud to orgasm, muffling the boy's hoarse cries of unabashed pleasure with an all-consuming kiss. He'd left Cloud gasping for breath, eyes glazed, knees weak. Since then, Cloud had found release many times at the General's hands, but that was the only time Sephiroth had ever kissed him.

Their meetings became a ritual of sorts. Sephiroth would come to Cloud and ease his youthful passions, and Cloud would always respect the General enough not to violate the one rule Sephiroth had set forth. Cloud was not to touch him.

Cloud still didn't know the reasons, and he fisted the sheets harder, knuckles going white as he resisted the urge to sink his fingers into the mane of silver hair. All the time they'd been together, and Sephiroth had never once allowed Cloud to stray a hand over his body, and they'd never truly joined. Sephiroth would only bring Cloud to climax with his hands, sometimes his mouth, and nothing more. He had never even asked Cloud to reciprocate. Sephiroth had never achieved release when he was with Cloud. And Cloud put a lot of energy into not asking why.

His breath hitched as the mouth encasing him tightened, pulling him harder, deeper. He let out a shaky moan. It wasn't often that the General would take him back to his rooms, lay him out on the bed, and pleasure him with his wickedly sensual mouth, and Cloud wanted to savor every moment, every sensation. He tried not to think what it would have been like if Sephiroth had been willing to remove his clothes, how it would feel to have that creamy skin flush against his own, but the visions rose unbidden just the same. Sephiroth's sex life and by association his nudity, was not something that Cloud shared. Sephiroth simply granted him an immaculate release because…well Cloud didn't know why, but dreams of the General's naked flesh always seemed to needle their way into their time together.

His arousal threatened to spill over and all of Cloud's thoughts were stayed as final desire took hold. He whimpered his release, his hands clutching at the air as Sephiroth swallowed him down. Heat flooded his body and once again, the thrill of being inside Sephiroth's mouth claimed his senses. Black stars danced before his eyes. He felt the bed shift and he forced himself to come out of his high enough to focus on the man who was already retreating.

Sephiroth was still perfect, unassuming and unused. He ran a gloved hand over his mouth, as though swiping away the evidence of Cloud's existence there. He smiled, a thin, knowing smile at Cloud's watchful stare. He brought a hand to Cloud's sweat-dampened face, caressing it, one finger lingering just a little longer than the others. "Tomorrow then." He said. Not a question, a statement.

Cloud nodded. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words he wanted to say were lost, buried behind fear and cowardice. He watched in silence as Sephiroth left, latching his door behind him. Hot tears leaked from Cloud's eyes. His insecure words circled in his head, a tangent of his own making. _Will you love me tomorrow?_

tbc…


	2. Of Secrets and Impossible Desires

Holding Hands We'll Fall  
Cloud/Sephiroth  
R

Part Two: Guarded

He wasn't sure what it was that made him this way. He only knew that if he ever let Cloud touch him, if they ever truly made love, that he would be lost. Being with Cloud, feeling Cloud—in that way—would be a statement, a truth, an admission Sephiroth wasn't sure that he could make, or one that Cloud was ready for or wanted to hear. He had never touched someone like that, had never needed to. He was a warrior, nothing more, until recently. Cloud made him want things he knew were impossible. Love. A normal life. A home. A family. And every time he was close to Cloud, desires for things out of reach for him welled up in his heart. He should have left the young man alone, never started anything between them, but he couldn't. He needed the man. Something in his heart cried out for him, something that hadn't yet been weeded out by ShinRa's ruthless training and tests. But for Cloud's sake, he never should have touched him.

The blond man wasn't satisfied now, not like he had been at first. What had once simply been pleasure had begun to melt away into discontent, a look of searching questions, questions that Sephiroth couldn't answer. Cloud wanted more, but as to whether it was just physically or if it extended further than that, Sephiroth wasn't sure. The young man lusted after him, that much was obvious. He always had. But did he love Sephiroth? Cloud had never said, and there were no outward signs as to how Sephiroth ought to proceed with him, even if he had been able to. It was all guesswork on his part and the safely secure knowledge that Cloud was a horny, teenage boy who would always want an orgasm. In that, at least, Cloud was predictable.

His thoughts turned to their earlier encounter. The way the young man writhed beneath his mouth, the needy moans that dropped from his lips, the aching question in his blue eyes as he'd left… He was intoxicating and he possessed Sephiroth completely, though he doubted Cloud knew it. He brought a hand to his lips. He could still taste the man's tangy flavor on his breath. It pleased him to know that no one else had ever tasted Cloud's seed. For now, this was his alone. Sephiroth's heart clenched at the sudden realization that eventually Cloud would discard him for someone who actually cared, someone who would love him properly. The notion was not a pleasant one.

He had been the first one to spirit Cloud away. His had been the first hand to wrap around Cloud's needy flesh. He had been the first to taste him, the first to see his face in the throes of pleasure. The more Sephiroth thought about it, the more he realized that he wanted to be there for all of Cloud's firsts, that he wanted to be the one Cloud experienced them with. And that would never happen if Sephiroth didn't change. He had to take a chance, risk everything for the impossible, otherwise Cloud would, regardless of his feelings, eventually move on.

Sephiroth stopped pacing. It was accomplishing nothing other than wearing a hole in the floor of his apartment. What would help would be to go see Cloud. He glanced over at the clock. It was nearly four. Had he truly been lost in his thoughts this long? It had only seemed mere minutes, but in truth, several hours had passed. But on the plus side, Cloud should be back in his room now. Afternoon drills were finished, and if he hurried, he might be able to catch Cloud before he went out with the other cadets for a typical Friday night. Sephiroth frowned. He couldn't really picture Cloud as one of the 'drink until you look good, different lover every night' guys. But he supposed he could be. Sephiroth had made it a point not to inconvenience Cloud when it came to a regular life, partly for secrecy's sake, and partly because, if Cloud wanted to do those things, he should have a choice. Cloud was young, and Sephiroth didn't want to get in the way of the things young men usually did.

Shaking his head, Sephiroth exited his rooms and made his way to the cadet dormitories. No one stopped him as he made his way inside, checked the roster behind the desk, and disappeared down the hall. When he reached Cloud's door, he paused, the lively colors catching his eyes. The door was artistically plastered with pictures of chocobos and photographs of various cadets and SOLDIERs, most of whom Sephiroth recognized. He smiled at the ridiculous innocence of it. Cloud tried so hard to be grown, to be a hardened warrior like his peers, but deep inside, it was still chocobos and collages.

He knocked tentatively, softly at first. No answer. Again. Nothing. Sephiroth's brows drew together. Cloud should be in his rooms. He hadn't checked out at the desk, so unless he snuck out… Sephiroth pondered this. As a commanding officer, he now had the grounds to override the door codes and search Cloud's room, see if the man was indeed gone. But as a friend, as someone who was trying to give a wilting flower life, Sephiroth was loath to invade the man's sanctuary. This was Cloud's space, Cloud's world, and as much as Sephiroth wanted to be a part of it, Cloud hadn't invited him into it yet.

He was about to leave, when it occurred to him that if Cloud was sneaking out, if someone else caught him, Sephiroth would be hard put to arrange for the boy to stay. Cloud would be out on his ass faster than Sephiroth could draw his sword. It was better if he took care of it. Raising his hand to the keypad, he punched in his all-access override code and flinched slightly as the door gave a hissing click and slid open. 

Afternoon light poured through the little room as Sephiroth stepped over the threshold. The door slid shut after him, taking the light from the hall with it, leaving the room a bit dimmer than Sephiroth had expected. The room, at first, seemed empty. But then, Sephiroth noticed the tip of a spiky, blond head sticking out from under the covers. Stepping softly, Sephiroth crept over to the bed. Cloud wasn't AWOL; he was asleep! Sephiroth gave a small huff of amused relief. He considered leaving. The fact that Cloud was sleeping in the middle of the day, clearly said that he needed the rest. Perhaps he should come back when he wouldn't disturb him. And when he hadn't broken into the boy's room.

Just then, Cloud shifted, turning in his sleep. The covers slipped to the side as the man settled on his back, head snuggled soundly in his pillow. Sephiroth gulped as his eyes ravished Cloud's bare chest, which was still narrow, his adult breadth just starting to widen at his shoulders, but already he had the hard lines of solid muscle along his ribs, the proof of how had he'd been working. The skin was flawless other than a few bruises from Cloud's training, no battle scars residing on the youthful flesh. Not yet. One slim, small-fingered hand rested over the boy's heart, and it rose and fell with the weight of his breaths. Soft, yellow light from the single window cast a glow over Cloud's sleeping face, fringing his blond lashes into a burnished gold. Peace reigned, and Sephiroth studied his features carefully. He was entranced by the easy, comfortable relaxation that overcame Cloud in sleep. He'd never seen him in this light, Cloud always bearing a look of fierce determination, somber question, or when they were together, harsh pleasure, but never this intoxicating look of serenity. Nothing troubled Cloud here, and Sephiroth was honored to have witnessed Cloud in such a state.

Without meaning to, Sephiroth reached out his hand to smooth away wayward strands of sleep-dampened hair from Cloud's forehead. As his gloved fingers brushed the pale skin, he recoiled his hand quickly, the innocent touch burning him. He couldn't do this! He'd never had more than what he'd given Cloud, a meaningless, impersonal hand job beneath concealing fabric. He was Sephiroth, the General, the hope of the world, and he'd guarded himself for far too long. How could he turn his back on what he knew, what people expected of him, needed of him, and begin to dream again? How could he mingle the gentle love growing in his heart for this beautiful young man with the remorseless killing machine he knew himself to be?

Cloud stirred again, his hand sliding downward, disappearing beneath the covers. Sephiroth swallowed as he realized the intent of the slumbering hand, and then his heart ceased beating as Cloud mumbled a single, sleepy word. "Sephiroth…"

tbc…


	3. Hands of Uncertainty

-1Holding Hands We'll Fall  
Cloud/Sephiroth  
R 

Part Three: Touch

"Sephiroth…"

A multitude of questions flitted about Sephiroth's head, but one stood out above all others. _Why was Cloud calling to him in his sleep?_ _Especially when he…_ He stared, eyes traveling downward again to observe the hand that was softly moving beneath the covers. The sheer intimacy of the situation suddenly struck him. Cloud was sleeping. In his own bed, in his own room, and Sephiroth was standing here, watching him, as he pleasured his own flesh… A hint of color crept past Sephiroth's defenses, and his pupils dilated noticeable. He licked his suddenly dry lips. He should leave. Only…

Something willed him to stay, to see Cloud as he could never have him. Free, and comfortable, and giving… His eyes stayed glued on Cloud's hand-shaped mound beneath the blankets, following the distinct motions. A low, burning pang rippled through him as his body started responding. What would it feel like to have Cloud's small, gentle hand wrapped around his shaft? How fast would he go? How hard would he squeeze? How long would it take for Sephiroth to give himself up to the loving ministrations of this beautiful young man and finally release into his coaxing hands?

Sephiroth allowed himself to be caught up in the rhythm, to let his questions and insecurities, his desires and his identity to all fall away. All that existed in this moment, was Cloud and his stroking hand.

Cloud whimpered suddenly, his hips thrusting up, apparently needing more than his slumbering attentions were giving him. Sephiroth's mouth watered. It would be so easy to put his hands on Cloud now, to tear away the blankets and sink his hungry mouth down over that aching flesh, just as he'd done countless times in the past. But that was what he always did, and he had come here in hopes of somehow seeking a change…so he remained where he was, uncertain and wanting.

His hissed as he continued to watch Cloud struggle for release, and looked down to discover that his own hand had betrayed him. For the very first time in Cloud's presence, he had touched himself. The relief of it was almost his undoing. He snatched his hand away from his aching, protesting sex. He needed this, but…not now, not here… He paused. Why was it that he wouldn't even pleasure himself when he was with Cloud? What was the point in denying himself so completely? Was it because he didn't want the boy to see what he wasn't willing to give him? Or simply because seeking sexual pleasure in that way could be construed as a weakness?

Sephiroth snapped, the strain finally wearing him down. As if in a daze, he slid his hand back to the front of his pants and slowly undid the fastenings. A rush of forbidden arousal sizzled through him. What he was doing was unorthodox, ill-advised, and ridiculously risky. If he were anyone else, he could get into a lot of trouble for this. And if Cloud discovered him… Well…he'd cross that bridge if and when he came to it.

The first touch of Sephiroth's hand on his skin was like a jolt of electricity, burning his flesh with the threat of power. He forced back a pleasured hum as he encased his flesh in the tight grip of his hand and began to move. He matched Cloud thrust for thrust, letting the sleeping man lead their joint passion, his eyes never leaving the form of his young lover. Heaven was in this room, so tauntingly close, yet somehow still unattainable, and Sephiroth yearned to reach out for it, if only someone would show him how.

He panted in rough, silent gusts of breath, a thin sheen of sweat breaking out across his skin. Cloud thrashed heavily, his hips never-ceasing their rocking movements now as he climbed closer and closer to wherever his dreams were taking him, unknowingly taking Sephiroth along with him.

Sephiroth shuddered and stilled his movements slightly. If Cloud didn't hurry, Sephiroth was going to leave him behind, and there was no way that Sephiroth was going to allow himself to climax before his lover, although it was looking like he may not have any choice, short of stopping his ministrations, and he was too far gone for that.

Another groaning whimper escaped Cloud's lips, and Sephiroth came apart at the seams. A deep, twisted pleasure scoured through him, stripping him bare of everything that he was, leaving behind an empty void of numbness and satiation. "Cloud…" The word left his lips unbidden as he convulsed into his hand, release flooding out into his palm, the scent of his thick, tangy musk permeating the air.

Looking over at the bed with glazed eyes, Sephiroth saw that Cloud was still struggling, his satisfaction hovering just beyond his reach. The man's flushed face was drawn up in an expression of tortured bliss, and tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "Seph…" Cloud cried his name again in such a desperate, pleading voice, that Sephiroth was a slave to its will.

Wiping the proof of his indiscretion on a towel that was draped over the back of Cloud's desk chair, Sephiroth took the final step to the side of the bed. The blanket fell away without much prodding, leaving Cloud's writhing, sweating form bare to his eyes. Slowly, Sephiroth extended his hand and touched the boy's skin.


	4. In This Moment

-1Holding Hands We'll Fall

By: Phoenix Dayze

Sephiroth/Cloud

R

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy Vii and I make no profit from this fic.

Part Four: Impulse

Cloud's eyes flew open as Sephiroth's hand connected with his flesh, and the extra, long-craved stimulation sent him spiraling off the edge and he came with a hoarse cry that tore from his throat, his body spasming as he released his pent-up fluid into Sephiroth's hand. He panted hard, heaving deep, cluttered breaths as sweat dripped down his face. His clouded eyes slowly cleared, realization settling over him like a blanket of fog. He looked up, recognition burning in his gaze, humiliation quickly on its heels. He struggled to sit up. "S…Sephi-roth…" His body still trembled from the force of his climax and he floundered a bit on the bed. "I…"

"It's alright, Cloud." Sephiroth assured him hurriedly. This was going to get very awkward, very fast, but he owed the boy an explanation. He stood his ground like a good SOLDIER, and prayed for strength. He took a deep breath and added, "You've done nothing wrong."

Panic flickered over Cloud's features. "But, Sir, I…and you were…and I…" He trailed off, his cheeks flaming redder than before. He hadn't meant for Sephiroth to ever know about the extended fantasies, the erotic dreams that haunted him when he was alone in his rooms, they were private, not to be shared, just like Sephiroth himself. But Sephiroth had come into his room, had watched him, had seen and heard everything, and… Cloud stopped, frowning slightly as he took in Sephiroth's appearance. The damp hair framing his face, the flush of color on his cheeks, the unfastened pants…

Shock and confusion battled for dominance of Cloud's mind as he tried to connect vision to sense. Sephiroth had…Sephiroth had _come_! The scent of it was strong in his nose, and traces of his fluid were evident on the semi-hard organ still displayed between Sephiroth's thighs. But…Sephiroth never even _pretended_ to need or want anything from Cloud when they were together, so why was he… Cloud peered up at Sephiroth, seeking answers he couldn't find. Was it possible that maybe, just maybe, Sephiroth _did_ want him? Cloud licked his lips. "Seph…"

Cloud's voice was dry, low and rasped out in a needy, husky tone. Sephiroth barely restrained the groan that wanted to rise up from his lips as the timbre worked its way straight to his groin. How could Cloud seem so desperate, so _hungry_ after what had just happened? How could those blue eyes be teaming with so much undisguised love and want and _desire_ now, when they had been so well-masked before? Didn't Cloud know what he was doing to him? Cloud's mouth was slick and parched looking, and Sephiroth wanted a taste so badly that he could feel it in his toes.

He took a step forward until he was back at the edge of the bed, his knees brushing the mattress. He reached out a tentative hand, and very gently, sank it into tousled blond hair.

Cloud's eyes fluttered closed and a shiver of pleasure coursed through him. Sephiroth had never touched him like this, gentle, sweet and searching… Everything had always been quick, hard, and all about teasing a release out of Cloud's body. But this, this was…_more_…

Sephiroth stroked through the damp, silky strands, loving the look of rapture on Cloud's face, all the immediate tension and confusion forgotten in the presence of a simple gesture. Was Cloud really so easy to attain? Cloud was so beautiful like this. So at ease, so content. It was a fierce contrast with the desperate frustration that had tainted their interludes of late. Sephiroth suddenly realized that he had been so busy trying to keep his distance, that he had never taken the time to get to know Cloud's body in a personal sense. It had always been about the shortest route to a quick release. But maybe Cloud needed this…

He allowed his fingers to trace down the boy's face, a thrill rushing through him as Cloud moved into his caress. He slid his fingertips over soft, pale skin, and Sephiroth noted, with a hint of amusement, that Cloud had a fairly hefty dose of white-washed freckles across his face, but you had to be really close to see them. He felt a sudden, irrational surge of protectiveness wash over him. He didn't want anyone else being that close to Cloud! He suddenly feared that if anyone else ever mentioned the practically indiscernible freckles, that they'd find a sword through their gut before he'd had time to register what they'd said.

A small moan left Cloud's lips, drawing too attentive awareness to his mouth. Sephiroth licked his lips. Leaned in. And joined them together.

Fire danced in Sephiroth's veins as the small, anxious mouth bloomed open beneath his own, a frantic tongue darting out to meet him, coiling pleadingly against him as Sephiroth moved inside the moist warmth that had been so eagerly granted him. A breathy moan finally escaped him, lost in the recesses of Cloud's wonderful, welcoming mouth. This was what he wanted, what he _needed_. This was what he'd been missing. Why had he been so resistant? Why…?…

A small hand touched lightly against his stomach, a seeking, begging caress of questioning fingers, and Sephiroth bolted backwards as if he'd been struck with a flaming sword. Fear tangled his vision and muddled confusion wrapped him in its coils. He shook his head, trying to shake away the fog.

"Sephiroth?" Cloud's voice was still laced with arousal, but a tinge of worry came through. "What's wrong?

Sephiroth backed numbly towards the door, his hands hastily working at his clothes. He couldn't do this! It wasn't meant for him! _Cloud_ wasn't meant for him! And he had almost… He turned and wrenched the door open, fleeing out into the hall.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud's hurt, panicked voice rang out loud in his ears, but he didn't stop. "Seph,, wait!" Cloud dashed out into the hall, not caring that he was naked and hard, or that people would _see_. "Sephiroth!"

The door to the barracks slammed closed with a harsh, echoing finality, and Cloud fell to his knees, clutching his arms tightly to his chest as the aching sobs threatened to tear him apart.

Tbc…


	5. A Dream is a Wish

Holding Hands We'll Fall  
By: Phoenix Dayze

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters. This is from my own imaginaton.

Sephiroth lost count of how many days passed. He refused to leave his rooms, and wouldn't open the door for anyone. Even Zack had finally given up and left Sephiroth to his solitude. Zack's fading footsteps hurt. He knew his friend was only concerned for him, but it was better this way. He couldn't afford to be out there, not right now. He was far too weak. All he had to do was keep out of sight until Cloud moved on to someone else, someone better.

A sharp pain clenched at his heart. He didn't _want_ Cloud to move on, _he_ wanted Cloud, always and forever, just him, but life wasn't fair, and fate had wronged them both. Sighing, he tilted his head back against the wall, tightening his grip around his knees. This silence, this darkness, it wasn't so bad. He had his memories to keep him company after all.

_Cloud's face, lined with aching desperation. Cloud's face, alive with questions and unspoken need. Cloud's face, soft and young in slumber, but still alluring. Cloud's face, burning with lust and love, and kissing him freely…hungrily…_

Sephiroth swallowed and swiped the damning tears from his face. He couldn't do this! He loved Cloud! He _loved_ him! But how could he bring such a beautiful, innocent man into his twisted, tainted existence? He was nothing but a tool, a manipulated puppet to deal out death and destruction whenever and wherever his masters called for it. They didn't allow for kindness or sympathy, wanting or needing, hope, love, or trust. They wanted him hard, empty, and dependent on them. That was his life, and it was a destiny that he would never be able to break. But…he _loved_ Cloud Strife!

But that didn't matter. _He_ didn't matter. Not in a human sense. No allowances or exceptions would be made simply because he'd gone and let sentiment creep in as though he were any other damn fool man. The fact that he'd surrendered to weakness and petty human needs and fallen in love meant nothing more than if he'd fallen and scraped his elbow. That's just the way it was.

And Cloud deserved better.

Digging his fingernails into his biceps, Sephiroth reveled in the easy, distracting pain as the tears continued to fall. His breathing was harsh and ragged, and he felt as though he were being pulled apart. It hurt. Shiva, it hurt. He couldn't give Cloud up! He couldn't! Only…Cloud wasn't his! "I can't!" He choked out. "I can't! I love him!" His head banged back against the wall with an ardent thump. "My soul be damned, but I love him!"

"I love you too."

Sephiroth's eyes snapped open, scanning wildly in the darkness of his room. It didn't take long to recognize the shadowy silhouette of Cloud's body. "What…" He swallowed hard. "How did you get in here?"

Cloud shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He crawled closer, and Sephiroth could feel the roiling tension on Cloud's muscles, the tight, aching _question_ along his skin. Cloud's eyes became visible in the darkness, and Sephiroth instinctually searched them for some clue on how to proceed, a small shred of hope to give him courage. But the expression they usually held was gone now. They were closed to him, blank and guarded.

The pain in Sephiroth's chest pulsed in time with his heart. _He_ had done this. He had stolen the life from Cloud's eyes, just like he had been afraid of. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Slowly, he reached out, seized Cloud's chin in his hand. He could feel the minute quivering in the man's jaw, hear the nerve-rattling conflict as Cloud decided whether or not to pull away. He stared, deep, digging, searching, desperately trying to pry open the walls that Cloud had build to protect himself, looking for anything that spoke of the youth, beauty, and innocence he knew Cloud to be.

Nothing. And for a brief, heart-sickening moment, Sephiroth was terrified that Cloud might be dead inside. That he might have been hurt too deeply, and closed himself off forever. But then, a tiny flicker of uncertainty, of sadness as Cloud pulled away from him.

"Don't." Cloud's voice was low, rough and almost unfeeling. "Please don't touch me anymore."

That hurt too. In all the time they'd known each other, that was the first time Cloud had ever asked him _not_ to touch him. And for some reason, it made Sephiroth want to all the more. He reached out again, wanting to comfort him, wanting Cloud to somehow understand, needing to feel that incredible life beneath his fingers…

"NO!" Cloud clambered backwards, away from the stretching fingers. "Please! You can't do that anymore!" The emotionless calm that Cloud's voice held just moments ago was gone now, broken through with heady, anxious pain. "I can't go on like this…" his voice ended in a sob. "Please, Sephiroth… Always taking, always taking, and never getting to feel…" He heaved in a deep breath. "I can't do it!" His small hands twisted in his hair, covered his eyes. "I just wanted to be with you." His voice barely a whisper now. "I love you."

Sephiroth could feel himself shattering, and he wondered why it was that he wasn't dead yet. Or maybe he was and _this_ was his hell. Damned to watch Cloud breaking for all eternity. He licked his lips, swallowed, tried to find words that wouldn't sound meaningless. "Cloud…"

"No."

"Cloud, please…"

"No." Cloud looked up then, and had Cloud been a SOLDIER, the gleam of pain in his eyes would have far outstripped the Mako. "This was _your_ choice, Sephiroth." He slowly rose to his feet. "And I'm gonna hold you to it."

Panic raced through Sephiroth's blood. The moment of truth had finally come. Cloud was leaving! No, not just leaving, Cloud was leaving _him_! Moving on to better things, just like Sephiroth had been pushing him towards. No more sweat-slicked skin. No more shuddering orgasms. No more aching kisses to follow that one that had meant so much. No more eyes full of hope, love, desire, need. No more Cloud…

"Wait!" The word was out in a breathless rush before Sephiroth had realized he had spoken, and his hand was clamped tightly around Cloud's wrist.

Cloud turned back, turmoil on his face, and tried to pull away. "Let go." He whispered. "Please. It's over now. We had our fun, and now it's time for me to grow up."

Sephiroth shook his head. "No…" He peered up at Cloud pleadingly. "I… No…"

Cloud sighed, and tried to work his wrist free, prying at Sephiroth's fingers. "Sephiroth…"

"No, Cloud!" Sephiroth's voice was rent with desperate despair. "Please! I don't want it to be over! I…I need you!"

"Seph…" Cloud exhaled a shaky sob. "Please let go! I can't do this anymore! Please!"

It was now or never, Sephiroth knew. It was down to taking a chance, being willing to risk everything, to face his fears, or lose Cloud forever. Opening his mouth, he pushed his brain aside and let his heart take control. "I'm not heartless, Cloud. I _do_ care! You're the only good thing I've ever known. And I _want_ you to touch me. But…I don't know _how_ to let you. Please, Cloud! Don't leave me! Help me!"

Cloud stared down at him for long moments, and very slowly, he stopped trying to free himself from Sephiroth's grip, and just stood there. Then, swallowing hard, and with tears streaming down his cheeks, Cloud lowered himself back to his knees. Reaching out with his free hand, he shakily drew Sephiroth forward.

Sephiroth released his grip on Cloud's wrist almost instantly. His breath came in short gasps as he stared up at Cloud's face. "Cloud…"

Cloud gave him a small smile. "Shh…" He put a gentle finger against Sephiroth's lips. "Don't speak." He whispered. "Don't think. Just feel."

Cloud hesitated briefly, fingers flexing, then sank his fingers into Sephiroth's hair, the silver strands slipping soft and silky through his hands. The fervent relief sensation was so strong that Cloud had to choke back a fresh wave of aching, unashamed tears. "Sweet Shiva…" He tightened his hands around the mane of silver, possessive, and reluctant to let go when he'd waited so long to do this. But he did. And taking Sephiroth's hands that seemed so empty and unsure, he guided them around his shoulders. "Hold me."

Sephiroth's heart raced as his arms finally slid around Cloud's body, his mind in overdrive as he worked to instantly memorize these sensations as his fingers grazed over curve and muscle and rough fabric and slick skin, and locked behind Cloud's back. It was slim and strong and real, and with a shuddering cry, Sephiroth yanked Cloud forward against his chest, cradling him, holding him so close that he feared he'd never be able to let go. "Cloud. Cloud. Cloud." He chanted, over and over again, because he didn't know if, past this moment, he'd be able to say it again

Not breaking their close contact, Cloud maneuvered himself until he was straddling Sephiroth's thighs, and hugged the other man back, tight and needing so much and endless devotion. He tilted his head down against Sephiroth's shoulder, reveling in the man's breath against his skin. "Sephiroth…" he whispered. "I love you." He tightened his hold, digging his fingers into Sephiroth's back. "I love you." His voice was rough and desperate, and full of longing finally realized. "Fuck, I love you!"

And that was all that Sephiroth needed to let all his insecurities be stripped away. He stopped holding back, stopped thinking about_ everything_ that wasn't _Cloud_ and _love_ and _please_… Running his hands up Cloud's back, Sephiroth wrapped his long fingers around Cloud's neck, and pulled him up from where he was buried in his shoulder, until he could look in his eyes. Eyes that were no longer masked, and certainly not dead, as they churned with lust and fire and _Cloud_.

Sephiroth took a moment just to stare, then, "Cloud, may I kiss you?"

A beautiful smile crept like morning sunlight across Cloud's face, along with a few shining tears. "I thought you'd never ask."

The End.


End file.
